“Life is a lemon and I want my money back”-Meatloaf
“Sticking feathers up your ass does not make you a chicken”-Fight Club
“To be nobody but yourself-in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make you everybody else-means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting”- EE Cummings
See yesterday was a really, really bad day and I do not have any support. I thought I did with my mother in law but, alas no. She called yesterday after our daughter passed out. She asked how I was doing and I told her I was trying. Then she told me what type of person I am not exactly a bad thing. Then she told me how to fix things. Not exactly what I needed at the time. She also threw something in my face that I thought was resolved.
Let me back up a bit and explain. My daughter came home from school, had a snack, and then we did her homework. We got to the Very last thing she needed to do before everything went wrong in a huge way. She screamed and yelled at me, she threw a pencil at me. I went down in the basement while she was screaming and shut the door. Wow!!!!
Then at wits end I really was wanting to just get away for a day even one night so I put in a call to a bed and breakfast trying to see how much it would be for a night. My daughter demanded to know what I was doing, who I called, what it was about and she would not stop asking. So I “lied” and told her I was calling to see how much I needed to save for our anniversary. I did try to tell her it was none of her business but, after all that I had just been through I decided the small lie was better than more drama.
I have learned with my family , my in laws, and husband that NO one wants to hear any of the bad they want me especially to shit or fart rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns along with the ability to be a mind reader. Hence the need for a few quotes as a gentle reminder to myself and others that NO Matter what everyone else wants even the impossible mentioned above it is not possible and you just have to be yourself no matter what. It would be nice if I had this ability but alas I am sadly lacking in this department.
The world is full of beauty, passion, dirt, grit, war, and famine. You just have to be strong enough to see the beauty and passion along with having the guts or machismo to deal with all the shit in between.
I have had to call a friend long distance to get any support what so ever from someone. After a lot of tears, confessions, and just laying my soul bear that she still is there for me and still supports me. This is not easy for me at all not one bit of it . I pray to the Gods that my daughter does NOT have any more homework tonight because I do not think I can handle anymore. I really dont without something giving.